For centuries, your social worth was decided by your ability to perform physical labor. Then, sometime in the previous century, the tide turned, and people began to value your intellectual potential - your IQ.
The more you learned and the better you were at taking examinations, the more likely you were to advance in your work. In reality, this paradigm still governs the educational system.
However, a movement is going, as the creators of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 will tell you. As it turns out, there's an entirely distinct kind of "intelligence" that has a big impact on your life success: emotional intelligence, or EQ.
Emotional intelligence is, in reality, the missing link in a strange discovery. It's hardly unexpected that folks with the greatest IQs surpass those of us with normal IQs 20% of the time.
However, keep in mind that people with normal IQs outperform those with high IQs 70% of the time. We now know that our capacity to harness our emotional intelligence is the most important predictor of success.
And if you haven't yet joined us, consider this. People with a high degree of emotional intelligence earn $29,000 more per year on average than those with a low level of emotional intelligence.
So, this is a topic for you whether you want to improve your emotional intelligence or just want to know how to make an extra $29,000 a year.
So sit back and prepare to master the four components of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
Self-awareness is the capacity to recognize and comprehend your emotions as they occur. That includes your predisposition to react in specific ways in certain situations.
And there's no need to spend 21 years in a Buddhist retreat to develop self-awareness. In fact, simply observing your emotions as they occur is a fantastic place to start and will aid you in your path.
A person who has a high level of self-awareness typically has control over their emotions. They don't deny feeling emotions, but they don't allow them to control their life.
A person with limited self-awareness, on the other hand, is more likely to project their own stress onto others. These are the types of folks who believe that if they are having a bad day, everyone else on this godforsaken globe is as well.
While these individuals may claim that they are unconcerned about how they are regarded, they are more likely unaware of how they are perceived.
Here are some ideas for improving your self-awareness and getting to know yourself better.
1. Observe your emotions and recognize that they are neither good nor evil; they simply "are." You won't be able to regulate your feelings for the most part. If anything bad happens, you'll experience some unpleasant feelings.
In fact, rather than concealing emotions deep inside, it's best to feel them fully now. The idea is not to cling on to them; instead, let them run their course and then let go. Finally, keep in mind that how you react to these feelings will affect others.
2. Recognize how your buttons are pressed. We've all got our pet peeves and those that tend to irritate us.
It's critical to express these ideas since this will allow you to take steps to have control over yourself in these circumstances.
3. Keep a diary. Reviewing your day and emotions as it unfolds is a fantastic way to gain self-awareness. You'll begin to see damaging patterns in your ideas, feelings, and behaviors. You'll try all you can to get rid of those patterns once you see them.
4. Don't let your emotions trick you. There are days when you are on cloud nine, and everything is going perfectly. On other days, you're down in the dumps, and everything seems to be going wrong. Most people's lives fall somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.
So, even if you despise your work, your spouse, and that guy who cut you off in traffic on a terrible day, tell yourself that things aren't as bad as they appear and that the mood will pass — it always does.
On the other hand, don't let pleasant days lull you into a false feeling of security.
Self-awareness is essential for effective self-management. It's the capacity to react positively or usefully in any situation by utilizing self-awareness. This refers to your ability to keep your emotions in check when confronted with certain events or persons.
When you're around someone who can control oneself at a high level, you'll notice that they do a fantastic job under pressure. People who are unable to regulate themselves at a high level, on the other hand, frequently lose their cool.
Here are some techniques for improving your self-control to remain calm in any scenario.
1. Dammit, take a deep breath! Your brain uses a significant amount of oxygen – over 20% of your body's demands – and it can only obtain what it needs to function at its best if you breathe properly. Although deep breathing is good advice in any scenario, it's more important in stressful conditions because you'll be restricting the flow of oxygen to your brain.
2. Take some time to think about it. When you're in a tough circumstance and need to make a choice, deferring it until the next day is sometimes the best option. When you're under the influence of stress, you're less likely to make the best decisions, whether at work or at home. As a result, plan on taking additional time while making difficult judgments.
3. Take command of your inner monologue. We've all got them. Those voices tell you that you're a moron for agreeing to the additional work on the long weekend. Or that you aren't qualified for the position. Change your mental language when you find yourself in these situations.
If you've made a blunder, don't generalize and say that you always make boneheaded errors. Remind yourself that this time's mistake isn't a sign that you'll do it again the next day.
4. Everyone you meet will teach you something useful. People who inspire us and treat us well can teach us valuable things. But what about those who don't move us deeply, or worse, utterly irritate us? You will be working at a higher level if you learn from such folks. You will know a bit more about yourself and achieve more self-awareness in practically every circumstance you find yourself in.
Social awareness is known as the capacity to read other people's emotions and understand what they're going through. It's experiencing what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes.
You'll notice that socially aware individuals talk less and observe more if you spend time with them. They'll ask you questions to go further into what you're saying so they can better comprehend you.
People lacking social awareness, on the other hand, appear to be waiting for you to stop talking so they can show you how brilliant they are. They seem to overlook the entire meaning of what you're saying in the process. We've all been around individuals like that, and we've undoubtedly responded in similar ways at times.
Here are some tips for improving your social awareness to interact with people more effectively.
1. Greet folks with their first and last names. This may appear to be a ridiculously simple way to improve your social awareness. Still, you'll be tapping into a universal need to be "acknowledged" for who you are. Your name is an important aspect of your identity. Utilizing the other person's name at the outset of each contact will immediately pull you closer to them.
2. Improve your ability to converse during cocktail parties. This may seem obvious, yet making a connection with others requires effort. It's all part of the game to plan ahead and remember who will be at a party and what their children do after school (for example).
In the end, you will come to genuinely care about these things because most individuals react in kind to this type of conduct. As it turns out, caring about others is a solid technique.
3. Put your listening skills to the test. Don't only listen to the words that come out of other people's mouths when they're talking. Pay attention to their body language and the tone and cadence of their voice. Check in to see if you actually grasp what they're thinking if their words and body language don't match.
Despite evident indications to the contrary, some people will claim that they are "perfectly fine." Checking in this manner will elevate your relationship with your friends, coworkers, and family to new heights.
4. Recognize how people see you. Most individuals don't want to do this because they'd rather go through life believing that they don't have any of the problems that they notice in others.
On the other hand, being socially conscious is being aware of how your actions affect others. So, check-in with a few friends and family members to see how they're reacting to "you." You'll discover a lot about yourself and how you seem to others in a variety of settings. This is really useful information.
Managing relationships is akin to "bringing it all home." To effectively manage a relationship, you must first understand your own emotions and the feelings of others.
People who are good at this tend to manage a variety of relationships while being connected to all of them. Even while presenting a severe message, they make everyone they encounter feel at ease.
People with poor relationship management abilities always react rather than respond to people and events. They make it tough for others to form relationships with them.
Here are some techniques for improving your relationship management abilities.
1. Make a habit of doing the "small things." Why, if research after study (and your own personal experience) shows that recognition is what people need above all else, do we do it so infrequently? Observe individuals doing nice deeds as much as possible, and you'll notice that you're forming stronger bonds with people far faster than before.
2. Allowing your emotions to flow into other circumstances is not a good idea. Have you ever been around someone who gives you the cold shoulder out of nowhere, even though you haven't done anything wrong?
These folks are frequently still thinking about an occurrence from earlier in the day that got under their skin and has affected your connection. Deal with your emotions first, then focus on anyone or whatever needs your attention next.
3. Take constructive criticism seriously. People will sometimes tell you what they think of you or your performance even if you don't ask for it. How you handle this circumstance will significantly influence how close you are to this individual.
Take it in stride, and you'll be demonstrating to the other person that they can honestly tell you anything, allowing the connection to flourish. If you react badly to it, you'll be starting the process of the relationship's demise.
4. Don't only make decisions; explain them. You must explain why you make the decisions you want people to follow you and respect you. If you don't, some people will assume you overlooked something important and made a mistake. Then the rumor-mongering begins.
People will grasp your thoughts much more clearly if you take a moment to explain how you arrived at your choice, and they will know what you did or didn't consider. It also initiates a discussion about the issue, which is absent when all you provide are responses.
Emotions and emotional intelligence were often thought to be "soft." It was unwelcome in the corporate world and it was viewed as a flaw. High IQs and hard labor were used to win and lose markets.
On the other hand, emotional intelligence not only leads to better relationships but also to better business, as the authors and many scientists have demonstrated. And I can't think of a more compelling reason to pay attention to my feelings.