Rachel Hollis, the creator and CEO of TheChicSite.com, has amassed a sizable online following by offering advice on living a messy but important life.
This book will teach you twenty myths and misunderstandings that prevent us from living a happy and productive life.
The most important message from this book is that you, and you alone, are in charge of who you become and how happy you are.
However, you've probably heard a lot of misinformation spread by society, the media, and our own family. These falsehoods harm our self-esteem and capacity to operate. Recognizing these falsehoods is the first step toward becoming a more positive version of oneself.
Although much of this advice is aimed toward women, it's useful for everyone seeking to discover purpose in their chaotic existence (which is all of us).
Lie #1: Something else will make me happy.
Seasons or events may make you feel helpless, but they should not consume your entire life.
This is the time of your life. You were born to be the protagonist of your own tale.
Accept responsibility for your own happiness and life. Changing your location is nothing more than a change in geography. Moving does not alter your identity.
You must choose to be joyful, appreciative, and fulfilled no matter where you are. Things to consider: Don't compare yourself to others. Spend time with positive people. Determine what makes you happy and pursue it.
Lie #2: I'll start tomorrow.
What if a friend kept canceling on your plans?
"I really want to visit you, but this TV show is too fantastic," she could say. Would you put your trust in her? Would you put your faith in her? No.
That also applies to you. You're not making commitments to yourself if you keep making and breaking them. When you truly desire something, you will find a method to obtain it. You'll make an excuse if you don't genuinely want anything. Make a goal and consider how you will attain it.
Things to consider:
- Begin with a simple aim.
- Keep an eye on your obligations.
- Be truthful to yourself.
Lie #3: I'm not good enough.
Recognize your accomplishments and hard work, and learn to relax in the understanding that you'll be OK even if both of those things vanish tomorrow. You are loved, worthy, and sufficient exactly the way you are.
Going to counseling might be beneficial. Put up the same effort for pleasant times as you do for anything else. Make yourself the first priority on your to-do list.
Lie #4: I'm better than you.
You will not be elevated by bringing others down. Recognize that all words have power, even those spoken behind someone's back, and modify your behavior accordingly.
Stop evaluating others and competing against them as well. Simply because you believe something, it does not imply that it is true for everyone. Keeping nonjudgmental friends might be beneficial. You are policing yourself. Recognize your own insecurities.
Lie #5: Loving him is enough for me.
Every day, you decide who you are and what you think about yourself, and you set the tone for your interactions.
No one else will value you if you don't appreciate yourself. They will continue to treat you horribly as long as you let them.
Things to consider:
- Have a sounding board.
- Prepare yourself.
- Consider things from the viewpoint of someone else.
Lie #6: No is the final answer.
You can only accept a no if you want it. Refuse to take no for an answer if you're going to be successful.
Never assume that someone else is in charge of your dreams. No is not an option when it comes to your aspirations. This isn't a cause to give up.
Don't give up on your ambitions because they're challenging or taking too long to achieve. You must make the decision to chase your biggest dreams, whatever they may be. Audacity is a program that may be useful. Alternative routes are available. Keeping your objectives in the open.
Lie #7: I'm bad at sex.
Accepting sex is not the same as embracing it. If your partners can see you're not having fun, it takes away the enjoyment.
Get in touch with your feminine mystique, and your sex life will be permanently changed.
Things to consider:
- Re-define sex in your head.
- Find a method to make sex a life-changing event.
Lie #8: I don't know how to be a mom.
It's not necessary to have everything sorted out. A mother's to-do list should be straightforward:
- Look after the baby and look for herself.
- Don't get caught up in worrying about doing the right thing all of the time.
- Do what you can; the rest will fall into place.
Finding a tribe might be beneficial. Pinterest should be avoided at all costs. Every day, get out of the house. Discuss your feelings with someone.
Lie #9: I'm not a good mom.
You should parent in whatever method works best for your family. You should spend less time worrying about how other people see you.
Instead of being so harsh on yourself, focus on the positive things you're doing. It's not necessary to do it perfectly every time. All you have to do is be concerned.
Look for proof in your own life to see whether it can help. Make connections with other mothers. Prioritize quality.
Lie #10: I should be further along by now.
Goals do not have a time limit. Every single second is preparing you for the next. You may have a big list of things on your to-do list, but you also have a long record of accomplishments.
You've accomplished both small and large achievements, and both deserve recognition. Making a list of all you've done might be beneficial. Talk to a friend or family member about how you're feeling. Set objectives rather than deadlines.
Lie #11: Other people's kids are so much cleaner/better organized/more polite.
When confronted with chaos, we have three options: ignore it, fight it, or drown in it.
The second alternative is to accept the chaos. Take a deep breath and laugh at the circumstances.
You'll be better equipped to carry all of the mess if you take some time to refill your cup. Finding companions with similar interests might be beneficial. Make a list of priorities. Have something relaxing on hand.
Lie #12: I need to make myself smaller.
You don't have to shrink yourself to make people feel more at ease. You do yourself a favor by feeling sorry about who you are.
You are not a bystander. You were not created to be a little person. A willingness to offend is one thing that may assist. This is a bold statement. A chance meeting with a guru.
Lie #13: I'm going to marry Matt Damon.
Keep yourself motivated by envisioning and pursuing a dream. It doesn't matter whether the plan comes true or not; what matters is how you guide your ship in the right direction. Keep an eye out for the horizon.
Find a way to motivate yourself and get moving. Things to consider: write it down. Voice it out loud. Make a vision board to help you achieve your goals.
Lie #14: I'm a terrible writer.
It's none of your business what other people think of you. You do something because you can't do it when creating something from your heart. You produce because you've been given a talent.
However, you cannot force them to appreciate or comprehend it. Even if people don't like it, you must be willing to put it out there. You must determine that making your magic is more important to you than how it will be accepted. Stop reading reviews if you're looking for a solution. Write for your own enjoyment. Allow yourself to be silly.
Lie #15: I will never get past this.
You can't deny the fact that you're miserable. The only thing you can do now? Accept the good that has come out of it, even if it takes years to figure out what that good is.
You can live through an event that causes your reality to spin out of control. You can do more than just survive the loss; you can flourish. You can endure because the finest tribute you can pay to the person you've lost is to live... even if that person was your younger, more innocent self.
You will have to battle to keep your head above water at times. The fact that you're still breathing indicates that you're a fighter, even if you don't realize it at the moment. It will get less difficult, and you will become more powerful.
Therapy can assist you in this endeavor. Discuss it with someone else. Consider it carefully.
You may also do anything physical and transform your position from a weak one to a strong one. You can do it as long as you are willing to put in the work necessary. And believe me, there is a lot of work involved!
Lie #16: I can't tell the truth.
Continue to convey your tale, even if it's difficult to do so. Sharing the truth is difficult, and it requires bravery to do so.
However, when we keep things buried, we give power to fear, negativity, and deception. Taking the leap is one thing that could assist. Be on the lookout for more truth-tellers. Investigate tales that are comparable to your own.
Lie #17: I am defined by my weight.
You are great in who you are now. Your weight does not define you; nevertheless, the care and attention you give to your body do.
It is critical to provide sustenance, water, and exercise to our bodies. It is not necessary to be skinny, but it is essential to be healthy.
Mantras are one thing that could assist. Stop watching or listening to media that makes you unhappy. Prepare ahead of time for everything you want to succeed at.
Lie #18: I need a drink.
Drinking might be a way of escaping reality, but you can't stay away from it forever. The best way to deal with stress is to increase your resilience and strength.
Going through unpleasant experiences helps you develop stability and strength. It's similar to doing out at the gym. Before you can rebuild yourself, you must first break down the weakest elements.
The procedure is typically uncomfortable and time-consuming. However, it is by persevering through difficult times that you get stronger.
Learning about habits might be beneficial. Recognize your reality. Remove the source of temptation.
Lie #19: There's only one right way to be.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to being a woman. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to being a daughter, friend, boss, wife, mother, or whatever else you identify as.
There are so many varying interpretations of each and every style on our globe, and they are all stunning.
Don't make the assumption that you already know the answers. Always be curious and ask questions. Don't be satisfied with the universe you've created for yourself; instead, push yourself to discover more.
You get to choose where you go from here, regardless of how you were raised or what you were taught to believe. Changing churches might be beneficial. Recognize your situation. Pose modest inquiries.
Lie #20: I need a hero.
You are the only one who can transform your life. Nobody can create you into something without your aid — not God, your lover, mother, or best friends. You have the power to make a difference in your life.
You must no longer wait for someone else to complete the task for you. Set a goal for yourself and work hard to achieve it. You are in charge.
Stop expecting your life to miraculously improve on its own one day. Stop assuming that if you only had the perfect job, the right man, the right house, and the right vehicle, your life would be everything you've ever wanted. Be open and honest about who you are and what you need to change.
Stop telling yourself negative things, stop abusing your body, and quit putting off for later or next week. Get up and start again right now. Rinse and repeat.