What is the nature of your challenge? It's simple to figure out how to accomplish everything you desire. Self-help books abound in bookstores.
Despite this, you continue to smoke, gain weight, and work at your previous job. You do the polar opposite of what you intend to accomplish every day. Why? You flinch.
The Flinch is the moment when all of your self-doubts flood your head and knock you down.
It's difficult to deal with the Flinch. It entails recognizing the lies you tell yourself, confronting the fear that lurks underneath them, and accepting the suffering that your journey necessitates—all without reservation.
The co-author of Trust Agents, Julien Smith, has written a manifesto called The Flinch that explains how to confront the Flinch and get the advantage that others shun due to fear, uncertainty, and doubt.
Lesson 1: Meet the twins – Pain and Gain
Your world will alter one day. I can't tell when or where, but change is unavoidable and will occur without notice. You won't be ready on that day unless you've battled the Flinch.
Life is a journey.
The lessons that stick with you the most are the ones that you are burnt by, sometimes literally. There is no proof or strong recollection without the scar, the genuine experience.
You just believed those who knew better, those who told you so, and the event did not occur. Those who listen too much develop a habit of trust and compliance over time.
Unfortunately, that tendency becomes unbreakable with time, and they become completely risk-averse. The Flinch takes hold of you - the quick air intake through pursed lips and the reflexive step back.
Forget about secondhand knowledge. It doesn't leave any scars. It does not convey the fundamental understanding that exists in both the body and the brain. It passes without a trace. It might have been a dream.
It's visceral, unpleasant, and important to have firsthand information.
It processes the lesson using both the conscious and unconscious mind, as well as all of your senses.
For the lesson to stick, you must feel it in your gut, on your scratched hands, and shins. Remember that the Flinch's anxiousness is nearly usually worse than the pain.
Everything—failure, achievement, joy, and disappointment—is amplified by the Flinch.
If the Flinch forces you to resign, you'll subsequently excuse it by claiming that you worked hard, did your best, and it was "good enough," but you'll be disappointed.
Lesson 2: Harry Who?
From your bed to breakfast, to your car, to work, and finally home, you follow well-worn pathways.
You may have a daily commute to your workplace, eat at the same restaurant for lunch, and watch the same television shows. You eat the same meals every day.
They might be able to replace you with a modest, dependable robot.
You're trying to stay away from the Flinch. When you avoid flinching, your regular life becomes a well-worn route. All that remains is autopilot.
"Do not go where the path may go; instead, go where there is no path and leave a trail," Ralph Waldo Emerson advised.
Consider each Flinch as a door that may be opened to reveal a lesson. It's an experiment, a try at something different. Not all experiments are harmful, but they are all valuable, and if you don't try new things, you won't learn anything.
There would have been no Star Wars if Luke Skywalker had not encountered the Flinch. Most Western philosophy would not have existed if Socrates had not addressed it. Without the Flinch, Harry Potter is simply a lonely boy in a cellar.
Lesson 3: Nothing to fear but fear itself.
What happens if you keep your distance from the Flinch? There's nothing. We fear the worse, yet it never happens. Breaking the habit of Flinching has no negative repercussions. If you cease being scared, nothing will happen. You can go wherever you choose.
Your terror of the Flinch has been increasing for as long as you can remember. You've learned to obey it since it's made by every authority person you know. It's only natural. Its strategies are effective, like a perfectly adapted animal inside you.
This is acceptable since there are times when genuine danger exists.
So how can you tell when your worry is justified and when it's just a waste of time? How can you know if the Flinch is protecting you or not?
To begin, find a secure location from which to make your decision. After that, when you're ready, pay attention to yourself.
Make remarks like "This is silly," "It's harmless," "Feeling this way is meaningless," or anything else that puts the Flinch on the defensive.
The Flinch thrives on making dangers appear more dangerous than they are. So search for phrases that will bring the scales back into balance.
When you experience a strong, overwhelming want to do something else, anything else, you've unlocked the right door.
The capacity to survive the Flinch is based on the belief that the future will be better than the past.
You think that you can overcome obstacles and return to your previous level of performance. The more optimistic you are, the more likely you are to believe this. The next thing you know, your entire way of thinking has shifted.
Lesson 4: Habits are forming
After a while, everything you've become accustomed to, begins to feel normal, even if it isn't. The Flinch isn't interested in seeing you change. Its goal is to maintain the status quo.
When you're stressed, whatever pattern you're used to, appears. If you're used to running, you'll continue to run. If you're used to being on the defensive, you'll continue to be on the defensive. It's how you react when you're under duress.
The actions are automatic because the synaptic pathways or grooves in your brain are so firmly ingrained.
You may, however, teach yourself to utilize new patterns. When you're put under pressure, new ways might involve learning things that are better fitted to particular conditions and will happen naturally, whether it's martial arts or new methods of speaking.
The first step is to put an end to stop seeing everything as a threat.
Rather than flinching backward, flinch forwards—towards the opponent, toward the danger.
You use your instincts when you Flinch forward, but you don't back off. You get an edge by using your fear. Instead of shrinking back when confronted with a problem, you push forward.
You grow rather than collapse; you become more stable and assured. Instead of attacks to defend oneself from, your world becomes a series of barriers to overcome.
Lesson 5: Enter the Ring
Fact: Those faced with the Flinch make a difference. The remainder does not.
What separates your present from your future is facing the Flinch and being prepared to accept the scars that come with it.
Those who are fighting it may be clearly recognized by the fire in their eyes and the resolve that runs through their veins.
Those who refuse to confront the Flinch are also evident. Their eyes have stopped working. Their voices have a dejected tone to them. They have a protective demeanor. All they know is talking.
Most individuals don't want to confront the Flinch; they simply want to star in a film about it. They are just interested in the glory, not the pain. They prefer not to have scars because they like to be gentle. They don't want to be embarrassed; they want respect, but they don't want to work for it.
The ring, where you battle the Flinch, is different for everyone, but it's where the main danger occurs.
Like a boxer, you'll confront agony again and over again with no guarantee of reward, but it won't matter since you'll know you can make a difference in the ring.
Every Flinch is motivated by fear or worry, which might be logical or irrational. There is no Flinch without dread.
But it's not about eradicating fear; it's about addressing it. It demonstrates that you can deal with the stress and difficulty of a new situation, putting dread to rest.
Everyone in the ring has a sense of being alone. You want to change your company's culture, but it appears that no one will help you. At a party, no one wants to talk to you, or so you think, so you don't say anything.
Whatever the Flinch is, you feel compelled to confront it alone.
On the other hand, people are seeking confirmation that the Flinch can be defeated so that they can fight it as well. So don't be concerned if you don't see someone who looks like you or agrees with you.
Hundreds of people are just like you, and they're looking for a leader. You are that person.
Lesson 6: The Flinch, a Checklist
Purposefully hurting oneself is a great way to test yourself. Choose something that makes your brain scream at its difficulty and attempt to put up with it.
It's not just a matter of getting used to it. It's coming to terms with the fact that suffering is something that can be endured.
- Things that are easy to forget should be remembered. Improve the quality of your present connections. Make un-birthdays for your buddies and keep them to yourself. Choosing to work through social anxieties can have a major impact on someone else's life.
- Continue reading to learn more. Find in-depth assessments of things you're interested in, as well as irreverent material that makes you feel alive. Read articles that you don't agree with. Read something that is too tough for you to grasp, and then push yourself to learn them.
- Every day, turn your phone off for a few hours. It's dull to have nothing to do while waiting for a bus, but it's only when you're bored that the terrifying ideas arise.
- Find new acquaintances who make you uncomfortable, either because they have accomplished more than you or accomplished nothing.
- Re-negotiate your job situation. Will your employer do Y if you accomplish X? Make a new work title for yourself, and then use it.
- Start looking as if you had an important job or meeting coming up, or as if you were twenty again and believed you were the coolest person on the planet. What would you change if you could? What would others think of you if you did?
- Consider the possibility that you must leave a legacy and that your effort will be visible to everyone on the planet. Volunteer. Create something that will last and exist outside of you, which will astonish and amaze people. Create a network of support for others. Could you give it some of your time and money?
- Dare to do something new. Drop your sense of fear and get uncomfortable with any activity that causes you to flinch.